insecurity

is it wrong to love you?
is it wrong to wait?
is it myself im fooling?
i hope it's not too late.

was it just a dream we lived?
was it all a lie?
how could i forget what you've said.
how can i move on in life?

i love you so much i'm scared.
i miss you so much it hurts.
i hope it's okay,
to wait, to long, to be scared.

dReaM a dReaM daT wuD cOme TrUe

Hopes, Dreams, Courage, Dignity, Faith, Love, Friendship, these are the things everyone finds in themselves... these things make u a person... these things make the world go around.... I have always dreamt... i know some dreams wont come true... some dreams broke n scattered around me but still i havent stoped dreaming... cox i know dreaming is is the only way i can escape the reality of life...

i have always loved to dream ... its like the thing i am best at...
hehe ... i have always wondered how would it feel like to live a fairy tale... with happy endings n all ... i know it sounds a bit kiddy ... but i dont want to grow upp.
living in the virtual world gives me more happiness than the real world ... so i create my own world .... ( it sounds so pathetic ... i know ... but cant help it ...)

being like this seems more like myself ... wat i want to be... my 7 year old cousin wants to be a pilot just to touch the clouds... i find it amazing how his imagination went up so high ... i believe that we imagine the things we cant do, to have courage enough to live up our dreams ... no matter what we dream about is a castle or being a pilot or just being us...

i have a dream of being a powerful person ... i want to be influensive (maybe because i am not that recognised now... ) i want to be known as a risk taking rebel ... i want to change the world...

continued... the love i called mine...

on a lonely street, vast woods on both sides, with absolutely no light on the street... i was very scared so i stuck on to Aron. Aron looks inside the car engine and checked what was wrong with the car. with a hit on car's head lights Aron said

Shit!! This can only be repaired in grage.

with these words he took his mobile phone and called someone and asked him to come over. we waited in the car talking until a jeep came making noises, and stopped. Aron n i came out. it was arons friends... i could make that out by their conversation. Aron and i sat with Arons three friends. they were drunk so aron drove the jeep. on the way Aron's friend, Reyn started to touch me. i asked him not to, but he continued. i frustration i looked at aron ... he was drunken by then ... laughing and singing along the music he played. i slaped Reyn and tried to stop the jeep. Reyn held me tight. i tried to let go, but now even Aron other friends join Reyn. they held me tight and one by one they raped me. i tried so hard to make them leave me.. i cried i pleaded... but even aron didnt have mercy on me. i felt myself weakened and my vision blurred... i couldnt take the pain anymore....

i woke up to find myself nude on the jeep with Aron and his friends fast asleep. i quickly put on my clothes and went to see if i could get a lift to home. i could barely walk, the pain was killing me. i was bleeding and them forcing me made me have bruises, scratches all over my body.

i saw a car coming from a distance and i waved in order to ask for a lift. the car stopped and i went in it straight to hospital, where i was giving nessesary treatment and the person in the car helped me alot with it... after the treatment i was taken home ... since then i became more depressed.. Aron tried to contact me but i never returned to his calls, i couldnt forgive him for what he did that night. and here i am standing before you...

i finished, i could see Tia's eyes filled with tears. she looked at me and said,

why didnt you tell me before?
i couldnt .. i was so disturbed i didnt want to tell anyone.
but...but... i'm your best friend.. you never hide stuff from me?
i'm sorry tia... n i have something else to tell you ....
what is it?
i'm pregnant...
wa-at!! :O ...

Tia remained in shock for sometime...

y r u keepin it?
i donno .. i guess its a part of me.
but it would remind you of that night? can u spend ur whole life remembering it?
i donno i guess i'll try?


[ .... I DONNO WHAT TO DO WITH THIS ANYMORE..GIVE ME UR COMMENTS TO CONTINUE IT... ]

the love i called mine... (story)

on the sandy beach i layed, staring at the night sky. a tear escaped my eyes making its way down my cheeks. deep thoughts occupied my mind as i went far far away from the real world. i, myself didnt know what made me so depressed, i was never the person to be depressed, grasshopper as my friends call me. but it got me.. it got me so badly, i thought. all of a sudden a familier voice distracted my world of thoughts, getting myself back into the real world. it was Tia. i quickly wiped my face and greeted her with a smile.

hi .. Tia
hey ... whats up?? Long time no see rite? i knew i wud find u here.
yeah long time... me doin nuthin these days. how about you
umm... me too... lets go out ... have fun??
oh ok ..

it took me around twenty minutes to get ready.. as usual Tia drove .. like a roller coaster, one day she'll so get into trouble. All the way she kept on singing along the songs that CD played and i kept quiet. i was still thinking about it .. when all of a sudden the music stopped and Tia put on the brake in the middle of the highway. i looked at her with dissapointment. She looked back at me and said.

Somethings wrong with u...

i kept on staring at her n replied

wat??
u r hiding something n if you dont tell me, i'm not driving..
wats wrong with you ...
whats wrong with me ... i shud ask u dat question ... now tell me clearly ... wats buging u???

i couldnt stop myself... i bend over and hugged her tight. with tears streaming down my cheeks i narrated my story.

it was like around a few months ago, i was in Olivia's party. standing near the drinks stand as usual i finished one drink after the other. everyone was heading towards the dance floor, having what they called fun. i noticed a guy across the dance floor staring at me... in the next glance i lost him. i kind of searched for that mysterious guy. i heard a voice calling me.

Allie ... Allie

i looked to the direction of the voice n found Olivia calling me and that mysterious guy talking to her. As i went closer to her she grabbed my hand and introduced me to that guy.

Hey Allie, This is Aron.

she like introduced us and went to host her other guest. aron strike up a conversation and we continued talking till the party ended. i found him very interesting and we got along pretty well. Aron and i exchanged numbers, he dropped me home that night.

the next night he called me and asked me for a walk. we started hanging out togather and i started falling for aron. he seemed like the perfect one, charming decent adorable... anything a girl would ask for. then oneday he took me to a yatch and proposed me. that was like the happiest day of my life. i was jumping up n down. After a romantic dinner and champagne he took me to his place, where we made love.

We were the happiest couple for around a month... living our love the fullest.. dreaming of a happier life ahead...

one day while returning from a long drive our car stopped...

.....TO BE CONTINUED... (cox i gtg)

Sorry

i wanna say sorry
sorry i loved you
sorry i cared
sorry for wanting u to be there
oh' i'm sorry i ever loved you
sorry for wasting so much on you
sorry i thought you'd love me too
sorry for dreaming a life with you
more sorry for thinking it would come true
sorry i cried a tear for you
sorry i stayed up worrying for you
i am so sorry i loved you
sorry i cared
sorry for wanting you to be there